THE MOTHERHOOD HAPPINESS CHALLENGE
Challenge yourself to be happier, starting now.
What would make you a happier mom? A happier wife? A happier human?
Lately I have felt the mommy burn out creeping up on me. I have felt short tempered, extreme exhaustion and complete overwhelm. The small little problems that pop up seem like massive waves that were not meant to be seen up close… they slowly creep up and up until they are no longer small little ripples in the distance but rather massive tidal waves that you are completely consumed by. Simply put, this mama is tired and needs a minute, can you relate?
Tonight, was the first night in months that I had my babies in bed at a reasonable time. Although the bedtime rituals continued to drag out, I made it an attainable goal and mental escape for me to sit with my feet up for 5 minutes and just peer out the window once the rooms were silent. Upon taking this moment I decided to peer into the sky and daydream about what would make me a happier mom.
I think that in motherhood we are often taught to suppress who we are and be what the world/society expects us to become in this role. We are idealized as “the stay-at-home mom” or “the mom on mat leave” or “the new mom” or “the working mom”. Very rarely are we encouraged, mostly just criticized by others or ourselves, as to what we aren’t good enough at or what we need to change to become a better mom (a happier mom). I feel like this is an ongoing challenge in motherhood and I’d like to share a challenge, from one mom to another, with you. The challenge isn’t to change who you are as an individual, although motherhood does change you, the challenge is to encourage you to seek a few principles that will allow you to be a happier person. We should all be happier right? So, take a minute right now… close your eyes… cover your ears… take a deep breathe… go somewhere alone if you need too (which you probably do if you’re a Mom) and escape with me.
Think to yourself:
If you could think of 5 ways that would help you to become a happier mom, what do you think they would be?
Now take a mental note or write them down and let’s think for a moment together...
what would make me a happier mom, perhaps:
More sleep?
More adult time?
More compassion for your role?
More encouragement?
More appreciation for everything that you do? Less judgement? Less criticism?
More validation?
More acknowledgement?
More love?
I know all of those things would make me the happiest person alive, haha!
This is what helped me be happier (and fast) and continues to help me feel and strive to be a happier mom…
first, let’s start with a few terms to get the happy momentum going…
WHAT DOES "HAPPY" MEAN???
To be “happy” is to feel or show pleasure or contentment.
It is also defined in the dictionary as:
“having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation).”
Think about what makes you happy? What brings you joy? Here are a few inspiring happy quotes for you to smile about:
"A mother's happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories."- Honore de Balzac
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." -George Sand
"Happiness is a gift and the trick is not to expect it but to delight in it when it comes."- Charles Dickens
"The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does."- James Barrie
"Happiness is not the absence of problems; but the ability to deal with them."- Jack Brown
To portray “happiness” is:
A feeling where you feel like you want to hug everyone.
A positive mental state where you feel like anything is a possibility.
A feeling that usually grows from within and found in the most unlikely of places.
Let’s revisit those moments we had earlier. What would make you a happier mom?
Now that we understand about what happiness is … in motherhood, I think we need to first look at what is triggering us to not be/ feel all that happy? There are a lot of things but a few challenges could be related to our feelings and the overwhelm that is so closely related to the chaos of being a mom:
Do we feel stressed?
Are we anxious?
Are we harshly criticizing our parenting abilities?
What can we change and what can we not change?
Let's circle back to a focus on feeling happy. Choosing to be happy and choosing to smile instead. A complete and utter challenge of a Mindset shift to happy. How can we do this when we feel like we just want to cry or hide in the bathroom to escape the chaos?
Here is how to be a happier mom:
here are 5 ways for you to be a happier mom...
ways that helped me to be a thriving mama...
and five ways that help me to become a happier mom (I hope they help you too):
Believe in yourself & Believe in your capabilities as a mom. You must first accept your new role as a mom and accept the highs and lows that come with that new role. We are our harshest critics and too often we compare ourselves to other moms and are under the illusion that they are doing it so much better than we are. Stop comparing yourself and start believing in everything you are capable of. Talk up to yourself!!!
Practice slowing down your day and practice slow time with yourself. Start with a small attainable goal of 5 minutes of alone time to decompress after a long day or tell your kiddies you need a mommy minute in solitude. You need to refuel and refresh, especially when you are under the mass amounts of stress that comes along with the role of parenting. Practice gratitude and focusing your attention on what you need to make yourself feel happier in each given moment. Whether that is something as small as filling up your coffee cup and actually drinking it hot or taking a few extra minutes to read your morning affirmation (or casually scroll and catch up with friends), whichever brings you joy, you deserve to be able to slow down and take a few extra moments for yourself (your happiness depends upon this!).
Share your passion and/or find your passion again. What truly makes you happy? What makes you smile when you think of doing something, just for you? Now go do it or make time for it. Stop making excuses. YOU deserve happiness, accept that you do, and chase after it. Do not fall into the no passion, no hobby and no drive mama trap... find something or find yourself again by finding what brings you joy personally. I get it, maybe you have changed now because you are a mom, so try incorporating in a hobby that is a specific thing for mommy (kids can get involved or not but that is up to you, the point is to do something YOU LOVE!).
Ask for help – when/if you need it and take it graciously! There is no shame in asking for a helping hand or a babysitter. Do what is best for you; for your mental, physical, and emotional health as a mom. Once you have the help…Indulge in self-care and leave the house if you need to do it! I am all for at home spa night in, however, I also understand that those moments can very easily be interrupted, mama of three here I can totally relate, so if you need to for your mental sanity go out to a friends or to a spa! Do what you need to do for you and take the help with a thankful heart!
Soak up the now and find what makes you smile about it. Learn to be happy in each and every moment, right now. By simply embracing every single moment, including the days that seem to drag or the witching hour of chaos between dinner and bedtime rituals, remind yourself that this is only a short part of your story. Your story as a mother can have a beautiful and happy beginning, middle and end. All the little moments in between each part of your story are what make your life so magical.
(Check out my other blog post for more tips on how to romanticize your life/live in the present moment.)
The truth… motherhood is legit ridiculous. There are moments you literally can’t even cope. There are minutes you just want to wish away. But…. There are also amazing moments, lifechanging memories and so many exciting adventures to look forward to and enjoy. So, hang in their Mama and know you are doing the most amazing job just being YOU and being there for your littles. Your babies/kids wont remember or fret the small things and neither should you. They will just be happy that you are in their memories and there for them. LOVE is happiness.
Keep on thriving mama! Thank you for reading: Thrive Mama Thrive Blog. I hope these five tips truly help you to be a happier mom!
Sending air hugs and smiles! You deserve to be told how amazing you are so know this:
YOU TOO CAN THRIVE IN MOTHERHOOD AND YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB BEING A MOM!!!!
-Melody Stone