Hey MAMA! Melody here...
Are you mentally and physically exhausted?
Do you feel totally overwhelmed as a mom?
How do you escape?
How do you break away from the feeling of total chaos?
I’d like to answer those questions by sharing:
What helped me to thrive as a solo parent of three littles (surviving an entire year deployment) and what can help you combat/ fight back against that feeling of "mommy burnout".
Let's take a breather, calm down and hit that refresh button.
Let’s escape for a minute to the ocean...
The sky is clear, and the sea is calm.
The ocean and it's serenity draws you in and allows time for you to breathe, regroup and change your thoughts.
When I go to the ocean, a lake, a walk, anything outdoors and with nature...I feel a sense of calmness, purity, life, beauty, love and peacefulness. A sense of connecting with the world but not being consumed by it.
The ocean makes me stop. Reflect. Gracefully restart. Refresh my thinking.
I stop myself from being consumed by the everyday tasks of motherhood and the constant overwhelm of not being a good enough mom/parent/role model etc.
Imagine yourself walking up to the beach... if this too is your happy place... your escape...
how incredible is it when you feel the warm sparkling sand between your toes? You feel the wind blowing through your hair ever so gently, the sun shining on your face with the perfect amount of warmth and then you hear the waves crashing against the shore in the unpredictable yet powerful motion. You glance up to see your child smiling back at you and giggling (or snoring peacefully) beside you, totally serene. Life is good. This moment in time is your gift of life and reminds you how life can truly warm your heart and fill you with so much joy and happiness.
That little bit of peace is your escape from the everyday... now let’s turn back (briefly) and look at how we can truly combat the struggles of the everyday...
Back to the basics/reality.... There are the real and everyday moments when you feel the complete opposite of peacefulness but rather complete and utter exhaustion; "mommy burnout".
Why does it feel like there is nothing left? Nothing left to give? Like everything you do is not enough? Like your entire life consists of baby life and no one cares about you? Your life consists of baby play dates, toddler play dates, child play dates, playgrounds, grocery outings and stroller walks.
Do you feel...
Defeated?
Exhausted?
Mentally and physically drained?
Lonely?
Unsure as to your purpose?
Unsure if you're a good enough mom?
When you feel like you finally have an arm or a minute... it is bombarded by the idea of adult time of "scrolling social media" only to feel even more isolated, you feel left out, and you constantly compare yourself to other moms. You see other moms who are doing it so much better or differently than you are. Then you criticize yourself or try to justify every decision and choice you have made which has led you to this moment in time. Can I stop you right there and say these two things?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I AM GOING TO SHARE WITH YOU HOW TO COMBAT AND STAND STRONG AGAINST "MOMMY BURNOUT" so hang in there Mama!
FIRST WHAT IS "MOMMY BURNOUT"?
In the book, by Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, "Mommy Burnout – How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process", Dr Ziegler describes how Mothers tend to give everything to their children and lack the same efforts in regard to themselves. She offers suggestions on how to cope with this burnout feeling. She says to “ask for help, create routines, schedule me time, set boundaries, lower expectations and be honest/talk with people you trust.” All of which I find totally helpful as a mom! All of these suggestions I try to live by on a day-to-day basis, however, they are not always possible in my case (being a solo parent with no childcare and little to no help).
So, what I would like to share is how I learned to combat the burn out a little differently and I hope these tips can help you moms out there who are feeling the same way as me!
A few other web suggestions I read along my quest for a combat cure against this feeling were:
prioritizing self-care
investing in other relationships
dropping the mom guilt
a social media detox
How can we COMBAT Mommy burn out when the entire reason we feel this way is because we lack the time and resources to do all of these suggestions?
Can you relate to this?
Everything hurts.
My body aches.
I feel like coffee has stopped working.
I feel like everything I do is not enough.
I feel like I have to go go go and can’t catch my breathe.
I have to constantly tell myself to stop, breathe, regroup and reset.
What can I do to combat this feeling of exhaustion? How can I combat this total physical and mental overwhelm?
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Rest? Not possible…
Work out for more energy? Yeah right… I’m exhausted as it is and have zero time. These aren't excuses, it's not about making time... I legit physically do not have the time!
WHAT CAN YOU DO???
3 TIPS TO COMBAT MOMMY BURNOUT:
Mono Tasking
Mono task instead of multi task. Focus on one task, complete and then move on to your next. As moms we are professionals when it comes to multitasking and honestly I totally get that it helps us thrive and survive the motherhood journey. However, sometimes, when you are completely exhausted and feel like you are in survival mode… mono tasking needs to happen!
What is mono tasking exactly???
Upon my most recent google definition search... mono tasking is defined as:
“single-tasking, monotasking is the act or practice of remaining focused on one task until you reach a stated goal – or the end of a specific period of time.”
It’s pretty neat that mono tasking can not only combat your mommy burnout, of feeling completely overwhelmed, but it is also apparently good for your brain health!!! I have always multi-tasked as a mom and I never really thought about changing my habits and slowing down.
Multi-tasking, despite the many benefits, can cause your stress levels to spike... which increases stress hormones like cortisol in the brain, and actually causes you to feel the negative affects of being overwhelmed and exhausted, pretty crazy right?
So instead… try slowing down and focusing on one task at a time. This calming and slower motion of mini tasking can be a huge benefit for you! Why not give it a try? After all you've tried everything else right? So... slow down and do one thing at a time (it's actually so crazy it might just work for you!).
Starting with one small task, while still being aware and allowing for distractions to happen (in motherhood there will always be one), but then ultimately completing that single task before starting another household task. You will feel more accomplished and confident in yourself as a mom when you start and finish one thing, rather than feeling complete overwhelm about not being able to do five things at once or keep up with the chaos of multiple things going at once and not enough hands or time to finish anything. I used to feel like I needed to do the dishes, laundry, floors, pack bags, unload things all at once... stop... slow down... life is busy and stop letting the little things distract from the bigger picture!
2. Divide and conquer with your Kiddos
Dividing and conquering is a super helpful technique when you have multiple children and it really does help combat that feeling of overwhelm. When you feel like everything is blowing up around you, babies are crying, dishes are piling, tv is blasting, laundry is taking off on its final spin and your flat out tired... divide and conquer both the kids and the tasks at hand.
I remember back to when my husband was home and we used to always say that was our best practice!
As a solo-parent why not incorporate the same approach, but just modify it a bit! How? Now I divide the babies into their rooms or safe spaces, to avoid the chaos of them revving each other up or fighting over the same toy, and this really helps calm the chaos. This also keeps them all physically safe, as one is still learning to crawl and the other is a stomping machine! I am able to combat that exhaustion of being ON deck 24/7, by allowing myself a few minutes, a sense of calming the chaos/ relief takes over knowing I can take a few extra minutes for myself and the babies are ok. If I know they are all safe and sound I can take a breathe, a shower, or finish folding that load of laundry. I can actually complete and put away the laundry, instead of leaving it in the drier for days on end or digging through it on the floor only to have to fold it again! We've all been there as moms, right?
3. Time flexibility - rather than time management!
When you are basing your entire day around your babies/ kids and their naps or activities you have to have more flexibility with routines. I am all for a structured routine, especially in the morning or at bedtime, however, time flexibility is sometimes the only option when it comes to thriving as a mom.
In order to save yourself the headache and mental fatigue, you may need to just be more flexible with what and how you spend your time throughout your day. If you need to push bed times or skip afternoon naps in order to do things... so be it. Maybe the baby naps in the car and you'll actually get to taste and chew your lunch today! Just by being open to a changing schedule and that time can be your friend and is on your side, should help with your motherhood journey!
I hope these tips help you to combat that overwhelm and to thrive as a mom! I know how hard it can feel when you have moments like these and honestly it's totally normal to feel that way.
Go outside, take a breathe, do one thing at a time, slow down, divide and conquer, be more flexible with your time and embrace every moment that life throws at you.
Remember you are doing an amazing job as a mom and by taking small steps, regularly and for yourself, you may just learn how to truly thrive to be the best version of yourself as a mom!
Thank you for reading: Thrive Mama Thrive Blog. I hope this helps to inspire you, encourages you, provides you with some mom tips and support, and helps you to combat that feeling of mommy burn out! Let's learn to thrive together!
Check out my other blog posts for more ways to Thrive as a mom!
🖤 - 𝓜𝓮𝓵𝓸𝓭𝔂 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓷𝓮